"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I will meet you there." – Rumi
What is your highest positive intention? Did you know there is one behind every action, thought and behavior? It is what directs, guides and nourishes us. Let me give you an example.
A while back I was being trained in a form of coaching called Therapeutic Coaching, and as a part of my training my husband and I agreed to be the class demo for the family and systems month.
He and I were having problems communicating. I believed he was avoiding conflict and I believed I was right. Both were true in one aspect. I did have a part that was right – and she was the part who brewed lots of trouble in our marriage.
For example, she rarely heard what her husband truly said. She only heard what she believed he said, through her filter of: "He’s out to get me and he doesn’t love me." However, I also had a part that desired, yearned and craved intimacy. I wanted to be held and looked at by him as if I was special and beautiful, and I wanted to give the same to him.
The beauty of this example is the part of me that desired connection and intimacy was the part of me that allowed me to do the work that was about to unfold.
In the demonstration, we did a technique called Visual Squash. In this technique, both of us were to say what we wanted and also state the problem. For instance, I discovered my true problem was avoiding intimacy, so I was asked what is the highest positive intention (HPI) of avoiding intimacy. Because I don’t remember what I said, I will say it was fear. Then I would get asked again: "What is the highest positive intention of fear?" This could go on for quite a while. In school, it is called chunking up. I like to think of this chunking up as a filtering process, where we, through the support of a coach/guide, come to understand not only what our HPI is, but all that is in the way of it.
Through the course of my filtering process, I realized my HPI is love and all that stood in its way were fear, loss, apprehension, annoyance, grief and so on. That is a lot of stuff – or clutter, as I like to call it – clogging up my love. I was depriving my husband and myself of love. But here is the good news. We can and will clear the clutter if we choose.
During our demonstration I also realized the HPI of my husband is peace. Now, with this understanding – instead of believing he doesn’t care about me and how I feel, and only wants to avoid conflict – I see that his soul only seeks peace. My love offers him peace, and his peace encourages and enhances my love. Isn’t this glorious? Our two intentions come together to make something beautiful, which is the sacred union of us – our relationship of peace and love.
Many of us walk around and we gather things we don’t necessarily need or want, and these things become a part of us. These parts often do not resonate with the real truth of who we are, and they wreck havoc in our lives, our souls and our relationships. As a coach, and more truly a guide, I invite people to come into their own souls, to be who they are and who they are not and allow whatever is there to be revealed, released and transformed.
Recently a woman came to see me. She said she had been thinking about my space (Nikki’s Sacred Space, the loft above my garage where I work) and couldn’t wait to get there. We crave space, our own sacred space. We sense that it is there, but we also sense other things are there, things we are afraid of. But truly, there is nothing inside of us to ever be afraid of. All of us are moving with our Highest Positive Intention.