I chop the first one without flinching fling
          it to the ground grab the next hack
          it off with a smile a premeditated gleam deep
within my heart no small task, I realize without falter, I continue does my smile mask
                 my fear?
                 my pain?
                 my anger?
The next one falls
and another
and another
          like autumn leaves stirred from slumber wanting
        to cling to their home base but they’re
plucked away from their lifeblood that they can’t
            enjoy anyway they’re gone in a moment
            and I stare at myself wisp away the
      remains clean and straighten although the evidence
        is with me clear upon my head I’m naked as the
trees in winter awaiting snow to crest their branches and kiss them softly pressing firmly
        against their bellies protecting them without asking.

My head rages with openness my third eye soaring my
heart reeling I sit
                screaming
                releasing
                letting go
        without the tears needed
punching my insides fighting against
          the wall the fortress I’ve built my mighty Gare du Nord a haven
    for my soul impenetrable from the outside inescapable
            from within
          where are my kisses and protection my
blanket that I’m
awaiting?

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