Our featured topic: Coping with Fear
I’m going blind. Little by little. Well, maybe.
Five years ago, I had murky glue over part of my left eye some mornings. The ophthalmologist said, “It’s a cataract.” I said, “It comes and goes each day.” He said nothing. I wondered if he heard what I said. And one day it stayed, and gradually clouded over completely.
Not so bad. A little bit harder driving at night. The only thing I can’t do is play ping-pong.
I don’t trust surgery, except maybe as a last, last resort. I understand that surgery amplifies the chances of age-related macular degeneration, which blinded my father.
Now my right eye is getting cloudy. Whoa! No offense, Milton, but serving by standing and waiting is not my plan.
A few weeks ago, I had to renew my driver’s license. I sat waiting for 45 minutes, praying, “Thy will be done.” When I looked into the machine to test my vision, I could read only four of 10 letters. I mumbled and guessed. A woman next to me said something, so I took my head from the machine, looked at her, then started over. I squinted and could read six of the 10, so again I mumbled and guessed. The attendant said,” I cannot hear you, please start over.” This time, as I put my head down to the machine, pressure on my eyebrow from leaning on the machine cleared my vision and I was able to read all 10 letters aloud with confidence. When I got home, I tried clearing my vision with pressure on my eyebrow, and couldn’t make it work.
This morning I was meditating while on my rollerblades. “What you think, comes,” I heard. And, “What you fear, comes.” I fear losing my sight, and think that is what is happening, unless something changes.
I ask God. He says, “My son, My son, you are My beloved son.” I feel more peaceful, but still bewildered. I say, “Is this what you ask of me? ” He answers, “We create together.”
“What are we creating?” I wonder. All the people I know are going through life-changing challenges. Is this 2012, the time of karmic clearing, the preparation for ascension?
I ask Mother Mary. She says, “Dear Jerome, find me in your heart. It is not your karma to be blind. What you are facing is a challenge to be creative in the flow of ever-changing energies and people. This is your challenge, your struggle, your opportunity. The outcome is not certain.” I ask her to help me with peace, confidence, and guidance. And she gently reminds me to find these in my heart.
I ask, “Must I no longer fear losing my sight to clear my vision?”
She answers, “Dear Jerome, we are always with you. Be at peace, and be open in every moment. Use your fear as a question, a key for openness, every moment. Allow the beauty and the power to unfold despite your fear. Fear is nothing to be ashamed of, and need not hold you back.”
I strive to be true to the wisdom of my guidance. The uncertainty is okay for now.