Like so many others in these times, I faced my career mortality this past winter when I was laid-off as a director of an up-and-coming firm. I found myself 41, recently dumped by my ex, jobless, out of resources financially and, unfortunately, fighting a mystery illness. The month of December did not really see me emerge from bed. January was not much better; other than more trips to the doctor, I hardly escaped the home.
This forced me, a busy career woman, to face a lot of time alone — time I had never given myself in my adult life. I have been working since I was 15 years old. I had my master’s degree at 23, and life never really stopped. It did curve and twist, and somehow I always managed to land on my feet. Divorce and pain and other dark places in my history were things I never really spent time considering.
A distraction, really
Years ago I started to read and study Tarot when my marriage was falling apart. It was a distraction really, and I never did more than “play” with it. When I moved to New York City, as a whim I started reading for new friends and it was amazingly fun and accurate. I started to be a resource to many, but for me it was always just a lark.
When my illness reached a climax for the first time, resulting in a surgery a year ago, I turned to the cards out of desperation. I had an overwhelming sense to reach more people and I signed up to be an “advisor” on an online psychic website. I used my confirmation name, Claire, and spent a bit of time on the site. Once I got well, however, I found my relationship in crisis and the cards fell to the wayside, again.
This past year really could not have been worse. I suppose that is a dangerous sentence to write. I have come to learn that you really cannot imagine how bad it actually can get, but I experienced a lot of lows leading up to the lay-off. Losing my job was just the cherry on top. Cooped up in my cozy Harlem home, with the winter sun warming me in the afternoons, I picked up the cards, once again.
This time I was in a much more pure place; it was just me and the sun and my cat. Suddenly, I was making amazing connections when I would log in to the Tarot reading site. I wasn’t doing a lot of readings, but almost every single session seemed to click. I was to the point where I read without being given questions; if I could not tell you why you came to me, I referred you elsewhere. I felt it was that important to ensure the connection was real and strong before passing on details of “future,” because, for some reason I believed in this and my predictions were being validated.
Clearer than ever
I am an Ivy educated woman — and yes, I do have a history, as most of us do, but I am by no means cracking up. I am simply questioning that there is both a foundation to concepts such as “energy” and “channeling” and “destiny,” as well as evidence. This time alone has really forced me to face my own doubts in my faith, where I am headed, and what to do next. I am somewhat limited with my health situation, but I am lucky enough to be able to work. I feel emotionally clearer than ever, but still have moments when I fear I am too similar Laura Dern’s character in the show “Enlightened.” Nevertheless, I refuse to fall off this amazing path I have stumbled upon.
I hope to return to the corporate world full-time again soon. In the meantime, you can find me in the early mornings, posting on Facebook, or doing a reading, or just generally enjoying my “Claire” time. This economy is forcing all of us to ask questions about priorities and what is important to ourselves and our families. I encourage those who can to slow down, reflect, and find the “secret powers” lurking inside. Transformation is possible; I have seen evidence, and for the first time in my life, I am doing unto others as I hope they would someday do unto me. Despite the stigma of working as a “reader,” I am finding reward far beyond what I ever could have imagined.