As souls, we choose to be born into families (quite often ones that challenge us) and communities in order to come to understand and experience ourselves more fully. We develop relationships that have major roles in what we choose to experience in this lifetime — and nearly all of what we do in life involves our relationships, either with others or with ourselves.
Yet, we are not really taught how to have healthy relationships with others and ourselves, nor are we taught to be aware of and accountable for our own energy and habits in relationships. I often hear people make excuses for their friends and family members as to how people behave in relationships. Meanwhile, many people are significantly challenged by the dynamics of their relationships and the destructive energy that has transpired between people in their life or within themselves.
We come up with different outlets, techniques or tricks on how to deal with the results of this destructive energy (i.e. meditation, exercise, venting, energy work, affirmations, etc.). And while these are all extremely useful ways for clearing and dealing with the blocked energy that gets stuck in our system as a result of our relationships, we are dealing with the end result.
In other arenas, such as schools, communities and medicine, people say that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. This applies to our relationships, as well. We do not have to wait until things are out of control or until our physical, mental and emotional bodies start screaming for help. We would be better served if we put more of our efforts into becoming aware and more conscious of how we are using our own energy with others and ourselves, rather than pointing our finger at others.
What are we doing with our energy? Are we drawing energy from other people? How do we feel when we are around certain people? Are we expecting others to give us their energy? If a source gets dried up, do we quickly turn and look for a new source? Do we allow ourselves to be a host for others? Do we give and give and give until we have nothing left and then get mad at the people who are siphoning off of us? Honestly reflecting on these questions will help us to see if we have healthy boundaries in our relationships and if we respect the boundaries of others.
Ultimately, we need to acknowledge that we are responsible for our relationships and the dynamics that exist. Unfortunately, I do not see many people taking ownership of their choices. Adult situations remind me of childhood when blaming others is commonly heard: “Well, he started it!” or “She said it was okay!” Well, it’s not okay! We are all being called to be responsible for our own energy and how we interact with each other and ourselves so that we will live more harmoniously on a spiritual, mental, emotional and physical level.
We need to start by taking an honest look at how we interact in our relationships and take responsibility for ourselves. Do our relationships enhance our world or detract from it?
By being honest with ourselves about our role in our relationships and how we use our energy, we are honoring our spirits and creating the opportunity to develop harmonious relationships, where we allow love to flow in us and through us. We want to be loved. We want that feeling of being cared for by someone else.
In order for us to let love in and express love, we need to have a healthy relationship with ourselves. We need to respect ourselves enough not to give our energy away — and we need to remember that we are already complete and full of love naturally, so we do not need to draw off of the energy of other people. When we connect and live from our heart, there is a wonderful balance and energetic exchange in our relationships, making them more harmonious with our spirit and allowing for transformation.