In this crazy modern world, being in a relationship with a partner sometimes comes second or third in priority to work, or whatever else is occupying your attention. However, it is possible to maintain a sacred relationship in this modern world of multitasking, but it requires an intentional choice on the part of each person in the relationship.
To make that choice involves coming to an understanding about your relationship: You have a relationship with yourself, with your partner, and the relationship itself. That’s three relationships contained in the concept of a relationship. When you understand this about relationships, you recognize that a relationship takes a lot more of work than might be apparent initially.
When you first meet someone and fall in love, the relationship is easy, because you have that new relationship energy, that passion and lust which carries the relationship through the first year. However, after you’ve been with someone for a while, the newness of the relationship wears off and the real work begins. You actually have to get to know each other and build a relationship that lasts beyond that first year of initial bliss. This is the time when you create a sacred relationship with your partner.
So let’s consider what the elements of such a relationship are:
- Your relationship comes first all the time. If you want your relationship to be successful, you need to put it first at all times. This means that your partner and your self are the top priority. There may be times that you’re on a deadline or in a zone of artistic flow and chances are your partner understands that, but in general the relationship comes first because you each know that to make it successful you need to put time to each other. For example, when my wife comes home, I stop working, and focus on her. The work will still be there when I get back.
- You are affectionate with each other consistently. Relationships where consistent affection occurs are relationships that last, because that affection creates bonding within our neurophysiology. Making time to cuddle and hold each other, kiss, etc., is essential for a happy relationship.
- You do activities together. It’s important to go out on dates and do something fun, but it’s also important to do housework together, cooking together, and other various activities. Not all activities may be exciting, but in that time together you will talk, connect and deepen the relationship you have. And nothing says love so much as knowing someone is willing to do their fair share of the work around the house. As for dates, make time to do different activities and go on adventures. Don’t stick with the same routines, but instead actively engage each other with what interests each of you. By making the choice to do something, you spice up your life and relationship.
- Read books on love, finance and spirituality together. Reading books on these topics can help you have proactive conversations around them, instead of reactive conversations. A sacred relationship is cultivated by design, so reading books together, discussing them together, and actively implementing ideas from those books will help you develop a stronger relationship with your partner and make the relationship sacred because you are actively putting effort into it.
- Communicate, communicate, communicate. When there is no or poor communication a relationship can’t be sacred. Communication is the life blood of a relationship. When your partner and you are talking regularly, you are working through issues, sharing each other’s burdens and triumphs and building a life together. Make time to talk each day, even if it’s just to check in with each other about the day’s events. And when you are communicating, make sure you listen as well as talk.
A sacred relationship is based on the investment you and your partner put into it. Ideally you are equally invested in the relationship. If one person is more invested than the other, that person will eventually resent the other partner. What are you and your partner doing to build a sacred relationship?