I was sitting at the edge of my bed as a young child, surrounded by my stuffed animals and dolls. Then, all at once, my perception shifted from thinker to witness — and my focus zoomed in on one word. It was the word stick. I know what you are thinking: “Stick? Not Om Shanti, or HU, or alleluia?” Yep, it was just a simple word with no spiritual emphasis according to the world of mantras, prayers and chanting.
The word suddenly became like something I had never even heard or known before. It was a sound in my mind, and if I chose, I could speak it through the efforts of my brain and vocal chords. So I said it out loud. The word had texture and brilliance, but still didn’t seem to mean anything in particular to me in the moment. There was still a faint distant remembrance in the background that knew exactly what the word meant, but it had now become the lesser mind and there was a bigger mind that was rediscovering the magic of a simple word.
In the next moment I looked down at my hand. This was my hand, but it was much more than my hand: it was life and, much like the stick, it was nothing, yet everything all at once. Then, I realized that if this was a foreign hand, then who was I? I was Erin. I repeated my name several times in my head, as if to attempt to understand the meaning, yet in complete peace as to the pure beauty that lie in the form that I was inhabiting. I was Erin, but even greater was the expanding awareness discovering Erin and that was a miracle.
An enlightened state
Looking back, I can clearly see I had experienced an enlightened state, which actually meant nothing to me at the young age of 6. I went on with my childhood and developed my ego as most children do; looking for love, looking for acceptance from the outside world, battling fear and tolerating the growing pains of adolescence. I briefly visited this inner state of brilliant awareness from time to time. It was surely what had balanced a darker state of self-perfectionism and depression. It was a sort of bouncing between worlds. Each time it was as though I had been dramatically thrust into “real world,” because I had no one to teach me that, in fact, the “real world” was not what I was experiencing on the outside. It was those quiet moments of utter amazement for the miracle of my being, and life around me, that were real.
My journey has been like a magical puzzle, each piece an offering from the higher dimension of the transcendental. What started as rare, but powerful, metaphysical interventions in my childhood led me to a place of understanding and heightened awareness in my adult life.
In an attempt to understand what I was going through after a Kundalini experience at the age of 30 ignited multi-dimensional senses, I began to educate myself and seek answers by researching the mystics of the past and present and began to comprehend the shifting consciousness and how it has manifested itself in my life.
It has been like a bouncing ball, jumping from one extreme of depression and suffering to surrendered states of beauty and spiritual awakenings that produce very intense and real teachable moments. As each passing day goes on, I connect the dots in my life, seeing the tiniest details as beautiful sign posts reflecting my inner states of consciousness. It is as though the eyes of my soul have been peeled entirely open slowly over time, sometimes still closing and drifting off to sleep, lost in the matrix and other days so wide awake, seeing crystal clear 20/20 beyond space and time.
The ability to evolve beyond our conditioned programming dwells within each living creature, and expresses itself differently for each individual journey. That is the beauty of our uniqueness, and if we choose to learn from one another, we are united by the deeper bond of spirit, the one. Like any talent, what we do with it is up to us — and so with my mysterious drive to share my stories, I believe there is a greater story to be told, which is not only my story, but yours, too.
Dimensions of life
Nothing belongs to us; it is a gift passed down through us. Whether we are doctors, lawyers, actors, artists or waitresses, this is our ability to express that which moves us and chooses us individually to express different dimensions of life. Unique energy is necessary to complete the greater task, which is to realize peace itself. But, I must tell you that I am not the teacher. The teaching is the teacher and the author simply the vehicle. With each word that I write, I am filled deeper and deeper with love, and so, if for nothing else, this message has already provided its function.
It is the same for you and your story. If you are lead by authentic creativity, by the peace of the universal mind, you will begin to see magic all around you. Whatever fills you up with passion is your destiny and shared purpose with creating a loving universe that reflects back to you what you have discovered deeply inside. It is a delicate balance to live your passion, yet not allow it to dominate your mind and create a false sense of identity through your life’s purpose. Instead, the balance is found in the joy produced in the very act itself, which frees you from expectation of the outcome and places you directly in the present moment.
All energy affects itself, and even those who are not aware of this sacred law are channels for enlightened living. But because you are aware, you become the creator of the world in which you live, and by recognizing the sacred connection in all circumstances, you inspire a more loving outer world as a direct response to your inner state. Going even deeper, we will find a dimension behind and beyond all dimensions; ultimately, it cannot be called a dimension because it is where all dimensions arise, and so it has no name, no address and no existence.
When you are so caught up in anxiety, frustration, jealousy or misery and you want to be free, you will find before you feel or think anything, you are still and empty. From that simple space of nothingness, you will be filled with its infinite peace.
To get closer to it, listen to the advice within the beating heart. It is the wisdom that speaks no words, but through its pulsing life carries us softly away from our confusion and suffering. It is the calm opening before the words are formed, language is spoken, art is created, music is played, and action is taken. It is the master peace from which the masterpiece of life is born.