I know I am not the only one who has felt that the last several years have been quite a challenge. I am now at an age where the elders I relied on so much need help from me to navigate health challenges — and some, including my mother, have passed on.
This has presented me with situations that have tested my strength, both of my heart and my will. I have had some pretty dramatic meltdowns, but I’ve also accomplished some amazing feats in terms of dealing with difficulty and stress. The last few years have given me the daunting prospect of figuring out who I am now, given all that I’ve been through.
Today, while meditating, I found something quite amazing: my heart. Yes, it’s been there, but it’s been knocked around a bit and it’s been feeling quite sore. Today though, I entered into a meditation where I saw and felt the electromagnetic field it generates. I felt it stronger than I ever had — and I realized that it’s been carrying on, performing all the physical and spiritual tasks it’s meant to regardless of my awareness, regardless of what my brain had been doing or thinking or how my emotions had been raging.
It was such a reassuring and lovely feeling. I felt the presence of The Mother, both my own in spirit and the Holy Mother of us all.
I was struck by the knowing that all my past selves, the one lying on the kitchen floor in full panic attack, the ones who were in hospital rooms, nursing homes and ERs, the ones sitting in the car trying to work up the courage to go do another seemingly impossible thing, and the ones at home, exhausted and cuddling the cats, needed to feel that our heart was still going strong and always had been.
So I went to them, one by one, and saw them in the midst of the struggle. I comforted them, hugged them and told them it was going to be okay. I told them that we were okay, we had made it through the troubles and that I loved and needed them back with me. I gathered them up, one at a time, and acknowledged their strength and courage. Then I drew them into my heart and went looking for the next one in need.
Along this journey I also hugged and brought into my heart all the amazing people who helped me along the way and acknowledged what they had done and how they helped me stay the course.
When I had finished, I knew I was more whole than I had been in a long time. I could feel all those “Me’s” together in my heart — and the amount of strength that generates is amazing. I knew that I was going to be able to carry on with my life with a renewed purpose and stronger heart than I ever knew was possible. I knew, for certain, that my heart is the single most important thing to nurture right now, for it was the key to everything I want to do and be going forward. I also knew that was true for me on a personal level and even a global level.
If I can keep my connection to my heart intact, I’ll be able to weather whatever the future brings — maybe even this election year.