I believe in being vulnerable and sharing my story in the hope that it will help others, allowing those working toward full authenticity to feel greater comfort in lowering their defenses. This is the first step in becoming authentic. When people who are protective of themselves trust and open up, they can drop their masks and false beliefs, thus strengthening their intuition. This, in turn, begets authenticity.
In October 2003, I was admitted to the hospital for gall bladder pain, where it was determined I needed my gall bladder removed. I vaguely recall starting to awaken during surgery. I was unable to speak and frightened for my life. In recovery, because of this “coming to” experience during surgery, my entire body, mind and Spirit were in a state of intense manic panic, which no traditional medicine could calm. I paced the perimeter of rooms, like a caged animal, making non-human sounds, body jerking uncontrollably — and that continued for weeks. I went to multiple doctors, all to no avail.
Finally, I entered The Mayo Clinic’s locked, 28-day psychiatric unit. Their solution was to give me 12 sets of electroconvulsive shock treatments, trying to reset my brain. This technique was useless so I left, as sick as when I came. I believed I had permanently lost my mind. I had given up hope of ever living a normal life again. Everything seemed unreal in every way.
Once home in August 2004, Divine timing, when everything happens at precisely the right moment, occurred when my hairstylist recommended an energy healer. This holistic modality was foreign to me and completely outside my comfort zone, but I was desperate, so I went. My healer was strongly connected to Spirit and, miraculously, over three months, with her help and the breathing, grounding and affirmation exercises she suggested, my symptoms disappeared.
Concurrently, Spirit started nudging me to become an energy healer myself. I completely refused Spirit’s subtle hints, erroneously believing an energy healer was too new-agey of a job, not knowing it was already in hospitals, hospices, spas, etc. The calling then became stronger — more like soft celestial pushes. Yet, I fought the idea fiercely. Finally, the message was so powerful I couldn’t ignore my sacred calling. This initial refusal to listen to Spirit was the biggest mistake I made in learning to live an authentic life. Listening to the guidance of Spirit is absolutely critical for me in staying true to myself.
Genuine authenticity first entered my entire being at the exact moment I surrendered. I reconnected with who I really am at the soul level.
Once I surrendered, my whole energy field shifted. However, what I didn’t understand when I agreed to this new true way of life was that this authenticity would include a painful, spontaneous shamanic initiation. That was necessary so I would become a compassionate support vessel to assist others who may be struggling on their path or to aid clients who would like to strengthen their connection to their own body, mind and Spirit — or to help others learn to trust in their increasing intuition. This training also allowed me to get to the truth of who being my true self really encompassed.
By virtue of experiencing this, I became aware of the difference between my true self and ancient habitual patterns — and I have the power to choose how I respond.
Sometimes, I still fall back into my old ways of living: grasping onto false beliefs, living in ways not centered in my heart, becoming selfish and using defense mechanisms, all of which had helped me survive earlier, but are no longer useful. I can now make the appropriate changes by removing my super ego and utilizing my healthy adult ego’s perspective, which honors only truth. Becoming aware of imperfections and changing them helps me be more soulful.
Expressing unconditional love for others and self is of utmost importance for authenticity.
As a healer, the natural response I employ with clients who are working toward becoming their true selves is to thoroughly ground, listen and be patient, while holding empathic space for them to let go of feelings, some perhaps that had gone unexpressed for an entire lifetime. Compassion and respect for where they are in the present moment is crucial. Commenting truthfully on their higher-self qualities to facilitate the opening of the heart chakra is helpful. Matching the clients’ pace and intention, while perceiving the condition of their energy fields, is a must.
Authenticity is more attractive and Divine truth is more desirable in this gentle manner, allowing people to live their own amazing authentic lives.