Some people have miraculous experiences where illusion is suddenly and dramatically stripped away; they see the light of truth and are forever changed. Like Saul in the Bible who is brought to his knees by the Light and Sound of God, becomes Paul, and finishes out his life in service to others.
My spiritual awakenings have always been, and continue to be, more ordinary and subtle. They happen in daily life when truth emerges in a new way I hadn’t considered before. When I’m shown a new way to look at something I thought I had all figured out.
I notice this happening most frequently in my relationship with my husband, Dale. Recently, I felt upset in response to something he said which pushed a button in me. I knew enough to keep my mouth shut and not speak from that worked-up state. I simply closed my eyes and brought my attention to that quiet place inside myself.
At first it made sense that it was my job to educate Dale about the button he had pushed so he could avoid doing it again. I saw him as the cause of my upset, even though I knew it was unintentional on his part. The obvious answer appeared to be Dale changing to better accommodate me. I know he loves me and wants me to be happy so I assumed he would be willing to be more careful of my feelings.
But after I quieted my inner dialogue and simply listened, I received my new truth: Dale has zero responsibility for my buttons. The responsibility is 100 percent mine. It’s not about Dale learning where and how to step carefully around me. It’s about me evolving to a point where every place he steps brings nothing but compassion and love from me.
Not the answer I expected or hoped for, but it resonated as a new truth for me. That’s how my awakenings occur.
On another occasion, Dale innocently pushed my “I’m not special” button and I felt furious. We were on our way to attend a spiritual conference and, in that moment, I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible. Fortunately, the bigger part of me, Soul, wanted to be able to re-open my heart to love. Once again, I did the only thing that ever works for me in these situations; I closed my eyes and went inside to connect with Spirit.
I invited my team of spiritual masters to a meeting where, after whining and complaining, I told them I wanted to surrender my feelings of hurt and anger. Ten minutes later, when I opened my eyes, it truly felt like a miracle had occurred. The huge cloud of negativity was completely lifted off of me. I was able to open my heart again.
I’m beginning to understand that Truth isn’t something I can grab onto and feel proud to have finally obtained. Rather, it’s something that looks different every time I peel away another layer of illusion, every time I evolve in consciousness.