Pleasure-producing relationships


All relationships can be pleasurable when we know how to generate happiness regardless of what others say and do. Love and prosperity are self-generated, because we are love and prosperity. Because we are love, we do not and cannot get love from anyone, but when we are around people who like us, it is easier to be ourselves (which is love).

Once we are Self-realized, we are in a constant state of love. We are being ourselves under any and all circumstances, even when others dislike or disapprove of us. The main problem in relationships is the belief that we must have the approval of others and their undying devotion and commitment before we can be happy and secure enough to be ourselves without the fear of rejection, loss or abandonment.

Love is not a thing or a commodity that we must pay for or be afraid of losing. It may appear that other people are the cause of our happiness or distress, but this is not true. We are the cause of our happiness or distress.

What we want are mutually supportive relationships where each person is a winner and can bring forth the greatness that is within her or him and not feel suppressed, coerced, bad or guilty for mistakes or successes. Souls want to have loving relationships with other souls. Most of what people experience in relationships has been based on concepts passed down from generation to generation from religion and cultural conditioning and has nothing to do with the real purpose of relationships, which is bliss.

Soul-to-soul relationships are real and deeply satisfying, because we can be ourselves without fear. Offering another the gift of unconditional love is the greatest gift we can give another.

There are seven actions that lead to our becoming a master in the art of rewarding relationships even if, in the past, some of our relationships have been troublesome. They are:

  1. Accept that every soul, including our own, is pure goodness and perfect without flaws of any kind.
  2. Assume responsibility for our own feelings and actions, as well as for the results we are getting.
  3. Understand that others are the cause of their own emotions and actions, as well as the cause of the results they are getting.
  4. Be willing for others to be happy, prosperous and successful in their endeavors and for us to be happy, prosperous and successful in our endeavors.
  5. Treat all others with respect and honor their freedom to be, do and have what they choose as we also honor ourselves and our freedom to be, do and have what we choose.
  6. Be kind to all living entities, speak sweet words and seek to be a beacon of inspiration, enthusiasm and encouragement to all.
  7. Recognize that the way we are treating others is the way we are treating ourselves, because what we give out is what we will get back.

The heart of the matter when it comes to successful relationships is accepting that every soul — including us — is pure goodness and perfect without flaws of any kind. The common approach has been to find fault in others, because we believe that we ourselves are flawed and, thus, bad and wrong. No one likes to feel bad, or not good enough to be loved and accepted, so the habit of finding fault in others has made us feel at least better than others.

How can we be happy in our relationships when we harbor the thought that there is something wrong with us? We often judge a person’s actions toward us based on our expectations. An insecure person is in constant need of reassurance as to her worth to another and in constant anxiety over the possible loss of the relationship. Our minds will calculate the words and actions of others to mean that there is something wrong with us, and that they do not love us or else they would behave as we expect. When our self-worth is based on the opinion of another person, we set ourselves up for pain.

Even in relationships that start out well, familiarity can breed contempt when one or both of the people are not happy and then blame the other and find fault in the other person. What happened? Not even God can make us feel good all the time unless we seek out the cause of our distress, which is self-alienation. No one will ever be good enough in our minds until we know that we are good enough, that we are perfect just as we are. Once we really know this, then our actions are motivated by love and kindness.

The medicine that heals the disease of “not good enough” is to bypass everything that we have heard or been taught that gave us the idea that something is wrong with us and, therefore, we are not good enough to be loved by God, our parents, relatives, mates and others. This is all fear and lack-based conditioning and not true about anyone.

Once we stop judging others as not good enough and stop criticizing others in order to feel better about ourselves, the “not good enough” program running in our subconscious will fade and disappear for lack of faith. You do not need to prove anything to anyone for you to feel good; feel good because you are pure goodness.

We are not here on earth to seek the approval of others, and we already have God’s love and approval. Accept it and forget all the soap opera stories of who did what to you and when.

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Terry Cole-Whittaker
Terry Cole-Whittaker travels the world speaking to both spiritual and entrepreneurial groups. Her five bestsellers have earned her coverage in all major print, radio, and television media. She lives in Los Angeles, CA. Visit her online at Printed with permission from New World Library at



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