Who/What am I? An Exploration of Self and Beyond: A Requiem


There is a moment, between sleep and wake, night and day, between the notes in a concerto, life and death, between the eyes of youth and old age…all unspoken, all unheard, yet certain; in the stillness of a stone or a whisper’s breath in the wind and ice melting and water freezing or fire burning wood to ash…where things are both eternal yet, never last. I am this lasting. I am this fleeting…moment.

My memory is like an old photo album in a baseboard attic. My mind is like a shattered mirror, scattered, crushed and tossed about, to and fro, by walkers by. What then am I but none of these things. My soul; fragmented and old, left for dead in the cold asylum of time…huh, and time again.

My unquenched thirst for an unrequited love called life still hangs in the rafters of a show never seen…yet; this is all to be called bliss? What play is this again? Sam, play it again…for me, so that I can remember again. I don’t want to forget this time, so as not to do it again, in time.

What was it that I was supposed to remember about myself? Huh, there it goes again …right through my fingers. What was it that I was supposed to hang onto…until now…it so easy to slip through the cracks in space and time. What did I lose this time…my mind? No, that was long ago. What if, on this pass, I forget to flip the hourglass or forget to wake the sleeper…will I get deeper into this?

Am I not the river, always moving, yet never going anywhere…they call it the same name but it is never the same? Am I not the stone, chipped and washed and cast away…always alone? Give me some spiritual things to say so that I don’t feel like I am drifting away. Some “thing” clever and new and a myriad of things to do to ensure my belief so that I can practice for years, then do enlightened feats. This is The Edge…this paper…way in the corner of this paper…the thin Edge on which I walk…this column that seemingly holds something up? Hmmmm….

The eccentric nature of madness must give us pause, for within its walls lies truth, but truth always lies…doesn’t it?…guiding me to my inevitable fragile demise, with failing ears, eyes and mind. Who was that guy, a river, a stone; he died alone? Yet, there is an irreverent joy that I have in all of this waxed important meaninglessness and it is this, that…I may or may not be remembered…the things that I say are like burning embers or fading echoes, as it goes…away. They say “You may be depressed” but, I find so much joy in this rest…assured! Nothing to hold onto and that’s all I do hold …and release. For it is not mine. Nor is my body, for it returns, so too will this planet…that sun.

Why have they tried to paint me so, with color and bones; propped up as if I’d stand forever…playing their recordings, praying for their doings, preying on the new ones coming in with questions. As bits and pieces of me fade away, slip away; I breathe and the wind blows me away…what was I saying? The temporal seasons change and we rearrange our schedules accordingly, monotonously, and in a way never changing with feigned permanence as a practical illusion in this fleeting delusion called life.

There is no fear for loss of land or things or holding still in the kingdoms natural …no cars ‘cept for ours, no boats or jets, or dining room sets, no cells or phones, or maps to find home…as I let go, I come to know that I have never been any of this. I am not the one that identifies it, or watches it; not consciousness, not awareness, not the universe or even my perception of nothingness. I am in the moment that isn’t, the one that slips away unnoticed. I commended you for creating all that you identify with but, I am when no one is paying attention.

The joy of touching the abstract fabric that is at the base of this all is like Magic, because out of nowhere everything appears and you can feel it there before, yet there is nothing there at all. I have spent years sharing Nothing…and I have Nothing to show for it. But I will leave you with this…in those moments when it’s all off, cultivate it…the absence.

Please, do not think me solemn, or in confusion or lack. I just simply know that everything fades to black. No fear, for I am already there.

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Hanakia Zedek
Hanakia Zedek is a Spiritual Leader in Twin Cities specializing in The Philosophy of Nothing. Known for his cutting edge application of the Psycho~Spiritual Arts; he shows how all that is and is not emerges from within. Contact him at 612.205.7337, email [email protected] or visit: www.hanakiazedek.org, www.emissaryarts.com or www.hanakia.multiply.com.


  1. Question: “but truth always lies…doesn’t it?”
    Answer: Only in the estimation of those who would rather be deceived than to accept the truth.

  2. Truth is always incremental and relative!
    Truth is never absolute!
    Truth is constantly changing!

    Believe what you choose to believe.
    But, just because you believe something is so, does not mean it is. It only means truth is relative to what you believe, perceive and are willing to or not willing to accept.


  3. I AM not really here in the something that other’s perceive to be real.
    I AM in the “NOthing”.
    My body is just a 3d projection within the illusion of the something through which I communicate with those who do not understand the “Nothing” holds the energy for the “Something” to be experienced and the something is not real.

    Also I believe Truth is NOT a concept designed for social control. That is why it does not work very well. Truth and social control are not compatible! This has been demonstrated for thousands of years by governments all over this Earth. Lie’s and deception are also only marginally and temporarily effect and compatible with social control too!

    Social + control is like oil + water! They don’t mix well at all!!

    It appears we could talk circles around subjects like this for hours!
    I love it! Thanks HZ


  4. Oh by the way HZ I don’t believe in you either!
    But friendship is still part of the illusion that enjoy!


  5. Your question: So…what then is this truth if we both realize that we are….not?

    All that is, is energy!
    Energy does not hold a single form.
    But energy can create a multitude of forms.
    For what?
    The best term for me is “Self”.
    Which is simple the evolution of energy to a point where it became “Self Aware”! “I Exist”!

    Everything since that moment is simply the experience, of experiencing, if, how, where, when, to what degree, in what way, for what purpose, what is possible…..etc.

    I AM not saying this is my truth! I AM saying….this is what I AM Aware Is……..still being discovered.

    What is the one tangible that is intangible for every essence of Self?
    I AM! I Exist! I can’t prove it, because I AM NOT my body. But, I AM Aware of Self!
    What is this universe and the everything and the something? A playground for the discovery and realization of Self, if Self could be realized in a tangible way.

    Is that what you were asking HZ?

  6. the more i read from HZ and others who think openly, the more am not afraid that setting myself loose is the only way to go 🙂

  7. Rick, I am sorry I didn’t see this reply

    It is my experience that we don’t exist at all and that we use what you call “The Self” to experience. So I personally can’t say that I exist because I know that I don’t. To me this is a very well organized movie that we buy into for the sake of experience. HZ


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