Confessions of a Recovering Reason-er


I am recovering from a condition called reason-itis. This condition requires me to know the reason why everything happens and exactly how it will happen. As you can imagine, this is a very draining condition that requires constant managing. My entire life was dedicated to figuring it all out before it happened! Whew…talk about overwhelming.

When I was suffering from my condition, I would wake up and instantly the reason-itis would kick in, followed by angst, resignation and fear. I was drained by 9 a.m. I just wanted to go back to bed. I was making myself clinically sick with all my worry.

Human beings afflicted with this condition know firsthand just how debilitating the symptoms can be. This condition masks itself in so many ways that you struggle to figure out exactly what is going on. I had so many labels put on me that I lost who I really was.

Some of the symptoms of reason-itis are: irritability, frustration, drama, chaos, bad choices, confusion, depression and over-indulgences.

The human mind seeks reasoning so it can be in control. Our humanness tells us to grasp at anything to make us feel powerful and relevant. It is very sad.

When you are so busy reasoning it is very difficult to discern what is truly in your best interest. You may find yourself making choices that leave you feeling empty and incomplete. You may find yourself doing things that are out of character, but you have reasoned your way into them…never mind how you’ll feel later.

I have great news! There is a cure! It’s officially called…surrender. Yep, give it up to God. Maybe you are like I was in the beginning: a skeptic. It’s that darn reason-itis that keeps us denying the truth. It feels like you can’t help yourself. How can you Trust and Surrender to God when you can reason with the idea of Him. Whew…. That’s the “condition” at work.

“Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insights or understanding.” — Proverbs 3:5

When I first entered into my relationship with Christ I was skeptical and scared. I only knew of¬†Him. I wasn’t raised to believe. In fact, I had no¬†introduction to Him until I was in my late 20s. Looking back I knew there was supposedly something called God, but I couldn’t grasp it.

Death…adultery…divorce…attempted suicide…poverty…and aging. All of this led me to a love so deep and so pure that I cannot believe I ever lived without it and to think it was right there waiting for me. Of course, I’m talking about God’s love.

I won’t lie. The journey to get to this place was hard. Harder than anything I’d ever done. There were days I thought I was going mad and days I surely was mad. Things were taken and broken and I lost my sense of self. I was pissed!


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