Overcome the ‘Shoulds’ that block your Authentic Self-expression


There are no shoulds….

In our world of globalization and a gazillion possibilities, it’s often too easy to forget who we are at our core. We start comparing our wants, our needs and our dreams to others. We get confused and uncertain about our choices, especially if we have that perfectionist streak in us that wants to make the “right” or “perfect” choice all the time. We can stew in a pool of comparison shopping and, in the meantime, we miss out on the experience of our most authentic self-expression.

I hear it just too often in my practice: Should I go out with this person? Should I continue with the sale or purchase of this house? Should I quit my job? Should I take on this project? Should I leave this relationship? Should I, should I, should I?

Here is Universe giving you a very loving, but firm, palm slap on the forehead. Why?

When you “should” yourself, you are forgetting how amazing you are. You are forgetting that your purpose on Earth is to co-create. You are forgetting your gift of free will. You are participating in an energy of disempowerment. You are placing yourself in an energy of confusion and doubt.

When you “should” yourself, you are giving your power away for someone else to make a decision in your place, whether it’s a boss, a child, a spouse…or society beliefs and customs…or your Guides, Spirit or Universe.

When you “should” yourself, you are avoiding making a decision for yourself, from your heart and core desires — from your place of authenticity. You are expecting approval from an outside source. You are dimming your Light.

This is tough love: Stop shoulding yourself!

This can be such an anchored response and pattern that it might be easy to miss at times. Just last week, I caught myself going around in a circle of shoulds. And the more I shoulded, the more I got confused. “Should I take my business in this direction, or that direction? Should I consider this move? Should I go through with this decision? Should I do this?” My anxiety was on the rise, and my brain was firing up countless scenarios, pro and con, for each “should” item.

And then came the spiritual palm slap on my forehead: “But Jaz, there are no shoulds. Isn’t this what you teach your students?” 

OOOhhh….. right… Big breath….

Overcoming should-mania
I then shifted my thinking to the questions, “What experience do I want to create for myself, my business and my family at this time?” Immediately, my energy became lighter, and the creative juices were more joyful and positive.

To help me gain clarity on what experience I wanted to create, I centered myself in my heart and body and imagined with all my senses what I wanted to see, to feel, to hear. Remember that involving your physical senses in your co-creative process is a path to authentic self-expression! No one else is in your body but you; no one else can feel your experience exactly like you.

Then, I inventoried the possible actions I could take and asked myself, “Now, is this decision or action aligned with my chosen experience? Is it going to help me see/feel/hear/manifest what I choose to experience?” Immediately, I felt more clarity of mind and emotion. Spiritual guidance was also cranked up a notch or two.

It’s like I took back the control of my car that was fishtailing and making donuts on slick pavement, and brought it back to the right lane driving in the direction of my choosing. Spirit remains my co-pilot — and we can work in a way that is much more authentic and productive!

Your turn! This week, when you notice yourself in a frenzy of “shoulds,” stop, breathe and ask yourself what experience you’d like to create. Remember your role as divine co-creator of your experience. Pick your direction, and see how Spirit can support you. Let me know what shifts in your life when you apply this Golden Rule and stop should-ing yourself!

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Jacynthe "Jaz" Villemaire
Jaz is a Spiritual Mentor and Teacher, Soul Realignment® Practitioner, and Reiki Master. She studied with leaders and teachers in Canada, the USA and Brazil. Her biggest life shift came after a two-week retreat at “The Casa” (John of God) in Brazil in 2011, which precipitated her departure from the cubicle-world of her federal employment to start on the new adventure of entrepreneurship. She now helps women entrepreneurs find their authentic voice and self-expression through a soulful design of their businesses. Visit www.deliberatesoulcreation.com.


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