The Gift of Not Being Enough


An excerpt from the book Bending Time: The Power to Live in the Now

We will continue to talk about the ways in which you relate to the present moment, and the fullness –that is the word — the fullness of the moment. And by fullness, we mean that this moment is without lack, that there is nothing else to be added to this moment.

Most of you experience your relationship to everything through the lens that says something is missing — something is not there that should be. And it is this lack that drives most of your actions. That sense of lack is not something that can be filled by an object or a person or even an identity. For you all know the ephemeral quality that is associated with getting what you want — only to then want more.

So much of this has been discussed and analyzed in Buddhism and psychoanalysis, and whether you call it grasping or dukkha or desire, it means that you perceive and relate to the present moment as “not full,” as “less than,” as “lacking.” It is this quality of “less than” that makes you consistently look to the next moment for its fullness, and try to figure out how to make that moment full.

Your perception of dissatisfaction is a feeling, and yet it is rooted in your judgment, your mind’s own thought process, that this is not enough. That is the underlying thought that leaves you with a feeling of wanting more. You may believe that the feeling of dissatisfaction is true, and then try to fill it by eating, or watching TV, or buying something, or searching online — searching, searching, for something that might shift that feeling. But this will not solve the problem, of course, for it is the thought that this moment is not enough that you must attend to.

And we are here to ask: Where do you think this thought comes from — the thought that you are not enough? You might be surprised by the answer. The answer is that this thought is actually a gift from God. It is the gift itself that you must understand. It is a gift because human beings have the rare capacity to see themselves and ask about their relationship to their own consciousness. This is the gift of being human.

You experience both time and space, and the feeling that this is not enough, along with the capacity to experience that fullness of each moment — the ability to see each moment as utterly perfect, as the ultimate perfection of who you are, as Seeds of Light. It is this duality that you are allowed to experience, and this is God’s gift.

This is unlike many other species, who do not question their relationship to the world, but exist in the moment, which may include pleasure or pain or eating or sleeping or all manner of activity and feeling. They experience it and move on. They may learn to avoid certain experiences, and to have memory, but the point is that you are given an opportunity to experience both separation from God, separation from all that is, and to know it again, while still being in a human body.

Do you know what an amazing gift that is? Do you understand that the thought that this moment is not enough — that you are separate from all that is, and that this separation means there is something more that could be added to this equation — is itself the portal through which you access your divinity?

Yes, you access your divinity by understanding that you are experiencing something that isn’t real. What sets all of this up — the ability to be separate in time and space from all that is, and to be able to question your relationship to it — is consciousness itself. That consciousness is a gift, not a fatal flaw, not something you must look at as a state to be lost entirely. No, it is the portal through which you step to enjoy full knowledge of being a Seed of Light in this realm, while still existing in a human body.

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