My Not So Peaceful Awakening


Let’s get real. Spiritual awakenings are not always what we imagine they are going to be. They knock us out of our comfort zone and force us to face ourselves on a deeper level than we ever imagined. For me it started when my mom died from cancer. I remember sitting in the hospital when the nurse explained that she had less than a week to live. My chest tightened, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. All I could do is look over at my mom and her wrinkled chestnut eyes gently smiling at me.

She whispered, “Don’t worry, honey. Everything will be okay.”

Over the next few days I stayed with her in the hospital, sleeping on a green hospital chair with patched-up holes and a squeaky footrest. Even though I never got more than a few hours of sleep, I found deep comfort in being with her. A day came when she asked to go home, which is where she always wanted to be when she died. The hospital arranged for an ambulance to take her to her house and the paramedics helped her into her bedroom. Over the next few days family and friends came over to visit, play music and sing to her. It was beautiful. When she took her last breath, I was sitting on her bed, holding her hand.

What started out feeling like a paralyzing emotional numbness slowly became a crippling grief I had never experienced before. I spent hours screaming into my pillow, crying my eyes out and wondering why this had to happen to her. I was forced to take a good look at what my life was like without my mom, and I didn’t like it. I had become robotic and empty. Something had to change.

In that moment I felt a shift come from deep inside myself. I began to see everything differently and had a new perspective about what was really important. I left my job, got a new apartment and decided to start over. Little did I know what was about to happen next.

There I was, in my new job, chatting with my co-worker, when she said. “Sara, I think you might be an empath.” My heart was pounding. “How did she know?” I thought to myself. I never told anyone about my sensitivity to energy, and yet, someone knew. While the entire scenario caught me off guard, it also brought me an incredible sense of relief. Finally, I had someone I could talk to about it. Finally, I knew I was not alone.

The months that followed were unforgettable. I became so interested in metaphysics that it began to consume all my free time. I would spend hours searching YouTube for videos about spirituality, the meaning of life and higher consciousness. I bought countless books, signed up for classes and became passionately dedicated to practicing mindfulness. For me, studying metaphysics was never something that I had to do. I had fallen in love with it. And the co-worker who opened the door to all this amazing transformation? She has become my most trusted confidant. Her like-minded views and spiritual journey inspired me to keep going and to keep learning. Her friendship made all the difference to me, because it provided space to collaborate and discuss our true calling. It made it safe to be vulnerable.

We all have a connection with something greater. It is when we begin to play with the universe that we begin to realize how powerful we are. The only limitations we have are how far we let our imaginations go. I believe that we are here to be the source of support for each other. Life is about more than our own personal goals and achievements. What makes us successful is our ability to give back, to lift each other up. Much like my co-worker who opened the doorway to spirituality for me, it is my intention to help other people in a similar way. What are your dreams?

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Sara Astraya
Sara Astraya is a spiritual teacher and healer with experience in Reiki, astrology, intuitive counseling and mindfulness meditation. Whether you want to discover your life purpose, learn how to take the next steps in your spiritual development or simply enjoy some relaxation and "me time," Sara can help. Her passion is helping people restore harmony in their lives so they may experience more love, happiness and success. Contact her at [email protected].


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