When the world turned my life upside down, healing my soul is what mattered
A pill wouldn’t have made me better. My soul was crying and wounded, I needed to attend to her. Through love, compassion and healing my sense of self, I was able to come back even stronger than before.
Western medicine is and can be very beneficial, for some things. However, for grief, self-worth or sense of identity, I believe you need to heal from a holistic point of view. When my soul was crying, I needed to pay attention to my physical, emotional, spiritual and sensual being. I will admit it was hard to look and heal at all those places I would rather have avoided. However, acknowledging and ultimately healing them is what allowed me to thrive again.
As an empath and energy worker, people were used to coming to me to help them feel better. When I was broken, people didn’t know how to deal with me. That made me try even harder to hide what I was feeling and experiencing. (Hint: this is never a good idea; it has a high rate of backfiring spectacularly.)
Probably the scariest thing for me was when this happened.
As an analytical empath, I tend to view things happening in a certain order or time frame. Four years after Grandpa died, two years after Gram died and a year after we sold their house, all the grief, caregiving and emotional stress caught up with me. And wow, did it catch up with me. Other factors helped to create this perfect storm, but by and large it was related to my grandparents’ declining health and their deaths.
I was incredibly close to them. I grew up across the street and they were like another set of parents — although at their home the rules were bent for an extra Marchino cherry or turning a rain gutter into mini golf.
I believed I had dealt with my grief when they died. What was harder to realize is how much caregiving emotionally drains you. It can also stay with you long after a death. I was lucky that my parents took on a considerable amount of the caregiving. Yet, I was still the one who could expertly answer all the questions to admit either of my grandparents into the hospital on any given day.
The other thing I could only see after the fact was how much your identity and self-worth ends up being tied to caregiving, especially if you are already prone to be the one others reach out to for comfort. Before their deaths, I was actually pretty good with doing self-care and self-healing. But afterward, I went through a period of time where I didn’t have enough self-worth to believe my self-care was important enough. I felt other people’s emotional, spiritual, physical and sensual health needs were more important than my own.
When my soul was crying and wounded, I was frustrated because I knew the techniques that should be working. I knew what I needed to be applying. But I was too close to the wounds to see them with the right perspective.
What got me back was taking a course that I thought would help my business. The instructor offered so much curriculum about being worthy, about being enough and feeding the soul. It allowed me to look at all aspects of my life and heal. Her course was one of a couple of influences that led me to create my own courses.
When you believe, decide and know you are worthy and enough, other healing becomes easier.