Things Have to Fall Apart in Order for Them to Fall Together

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It amazes me how fast things can crumble in just a blink of an eye as the state of the world and economy is in despair from Covid-19. I did not know it was possible for the entire planet to shut down, but I know there is a reason — and life will be changed and better for everyone.

When it first happened, I wondered what the purpose was for myself to be punished in this fashion. Then as things got messy, I pondered on what changes the universe had in store for us as a human race. I am one of the lucky ones where nothing horribly bad has happened to myself or my family, but I want to share with you my story, the devastating effects it had on me and how that turned into a calm state of knowing everything was wonderful with life.

I heard about Covid-19 just like everyone else did early in the year but never really took it seriously, thinking, “It won’t happen to me.” My husband and I have not taken a trip together in ten years, because we have two kids. It just so happened that he had to travel to Scotland for work and I was so excited to join him the following week when he had finished working. I live in South Florida and my parents live in Ohio, so I headed out in the early morning on March 11 to Cleveland. My parents were nice enough to come get the kids at the airport, and then I was off to join my husband in Scotland.

Things were starting to get a little more serious in the world, but I did not really care much as it had not affected me. I am not sure really what happened — as it was a feeling of knowing for the world and myself — but I woke up and started crying uncontrollably for about two days and was not really sure why. My intuition was telling me something devastating was about to happen and I didn’t know what or why or when.

I am not a person who cries much so I did not understand why I was so sad, but I think I instinctively knew the weight of the world was on my shoulders and things were about to change for everyone. I got up the next day and put in a full day at work, not feeling too sad that day but really anxious and stressed. Then my husband told me his trip had been cancelled by his work and we were not going. I was a mess again for days as I was looking forward to it for a long time and was so disappointed that we could not go. We had spent so much money on the trip (my ticket alone was over $1,000) and now I was calling, emailing and waiting on the phone for a long time. He was booked on a different airline, and we had three separate hotels reserved as we were going to explore a few nearby cities. I got up at 4 am to call the places as I could not get through to them during the day.

We lost a lot of money — and then the stock market crashed and we lost even more. I was still determined to go to Ohio because, well, this thing was just so silly. I was in denial and not taking any of it seriously. I had planned to stay in Ohio an extra week after I came back from Scotland. My brother, his wife and my baby niece were flying in, and my sister who lives with her husband in England was coming.

We had a good time at my parent’s hone, but it was weird to be stuck inside as we were not able to go anywhere or do anything. My brother and sister never made it and I was devastated not to see them, especially my six-month-old niece. Babies change and grow so much. We decided we better take an earlier flight home, so I found myself annoyed having to get up early again to call and change the ticket. That flight was canceled so I was in another small panic, but we were able to get home four days later.

I am a substitute teacher, so I lost my job. Adjusting to life at home was interesting, as we couldn’t go out to do anything. My husband took the spare bedroom, so I knew he would be quietly working, and the kids were about to start homeschooling. I kept thinking how nice the day was going to be for me. My plan was to lock them in their rooms thinking they would be on video calls while the teacher taught them all day. That didn’t happen.

It turned out that their school work was all online and they could work at their own pace. I was annoyed, because they constantly needed help with everything. The close quarters caused us to get on each other’s nerves, and there was a lot of fighting with my two boys out of boredom and lack of activity.

Now, I know what you are thinking. What happened to us was not that bad, but I wanted to share my personal story. We are all healthy, safe and have food and shelter, so now let me tell you what I know and learned.

I knew some sort of change was coming as I sensed it was going to happen. I tapped in to align with what I knew and found a new calm state of living. I started to realize how nice it was to all be together as a family. I am taking life slower and enjoying every moment instead of feeling so rushed to get things done. I am waking up each day to find the brilliance inside me as I reflect and enjoy the beauty in life. I have come out better from this process.

I think all of us in the world have been affected by this, and we are forever changed. We needed to fall apart in order to fall together. We needed this time to grow, change and trust the process. When we are allowed to come out of our shell, life will be extremely different for everyone. Individuals will be more aware of things, living positively and spreading good in the world. We are like caterpillars who are in our cocoons and will transform into beautiful butterflies boosting love and joy.

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