Practical Ritual for Your Life


An excerpt from Finding “The One” is BS: Becoming “The One” is Brilliant & Beautiful

When you get really good at sitting in the fire, you don’t have to resist life anymore, and you don’t worry about rejection stopping you or somebody’s unkindness taking you off center. There’s this fierce, badass, don’t-fuck-with-me intensity alive in your being that gets you through fires to the other side. You realize you’re composing the whole thing, you’re in charge of creating your life, no more victim mentality.

How do you do this? What if when you started to feel angry, you welcomed it. What if anger itself wasn’t bad or wrong?

It’s true — anger shoved away in a corner inside can create depression. Anger shoved down with criticism makes you a perfectionist. Anger shoved down and then projected onto others makes you a condescending, cruel asshole. I wouldn’t recommend shoving the anger anywhere. I recommend getting on your surfboard and breathing with a wide, open heart and riding the wave of anger. Listen to its intentions.

All that initial frustration, pissed-off-ness or anger is doing is telling you with a sensation of intensity that something is off, your values are not being honored, you’re out of integrity with your truth, something else is possible that you’re not choosing, somebody is not a contribution, somewhere you’re hiding your magnificence, and something needs to change — now.

So, in practical terms, what I do every night before going to bed is write down anything or anyone that has pissed me off! I do it first to acknowledge the potency and intensity that feels like anger within me. Then I literally ask the anger:

What are you trying to tell me, oh, delicious anger?

What action can I take to shift this that would contribute the most?

How would you, energy of intensity, like to manifest as a change in my life?

What can I choose right now as a divine action to honor your message?

Then I write without thinking, concluding or wondering how. It will tell me truths like when I said yes, but I really meant no. It’ll tell me where I agreed, but I ought to have asked what else is possible. It will tell me when a so-called friend is really a “frenemy.” It will tell me where I’m giving my power away to another person’s opinion. It’ll tell me where I’m not standing up and speaking my truth or where I’m allowing myself to be taken advantage of.

Then I immediately put on my to do list for the next day an action I can take to shift, change or remedy this situation, so as to be in integrity with my heart and truth. That’s the part that really takes balls or ovaries!

Then as I sleep, I imagine the best-case scenario outcome of that happening. I see it and vivify the colors, and I think thoughts about its fabulous resolution or breakthrough. I feel the emotions of relief and gratitude that I handled it and it turned out amazingly well, and I let the body sensations of lightness, relaxation and peace wash through my body. Then I let myself drift off to sleep with a few thank you’s or gratitudes for the day, for my life, for the gift of becoming whole inside my being as “The One.”

If we don’t take action and honor our anger as potency, my delicious friend, we often turn it against ourselves and get depressed or sick, or we turn it against others and say things we can never take back. Things that we regret. Things that make us have another glass of wine, check on FaceBook, or become a critical, nit-picky person. We hurt people and then we have to process shame and guilt and hopefully get around to making up for the damage done…again.

So, my love, sitting in the fire, forgiving the past, dissolving your anger, transforming it into potent Divine action and releasing your pain for good is not for the faint of heart — which is why you need to practice splaying it wide open like a muscle to get stronger!

Instead of even finding “The One” who’s gonna pay or who you’re gonna get revenge on, please turn your attention inward instead and process this anger in a healthy way. I promise you that doing so will make you unstoppable and bigger than any circumstance, always. And most importantly, it will make you free as love, and home as “The One.”

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Allana Pratt
Allana Pratt is an intimacy expert, relationship coach, author of six books, and the host of the edgy podcast “Intimate Conversations.” Her latest book is Finding “The One” is BS: Becoming “The One” is Brilliant & Beautiful. Visit


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