If there is one thing I’ve learned from doing readings, it is the power of walking through fear. I had always feared other people’s judgment which kept me quiet and unexpressed. In middle and high school especially, I struggled with social anxiety. I dreaded being in conversations with people because I felt awkward and didn’t have much to say. I didn’t have much to say because I was so hard on myself, I needed to say the perfect thing and in my mind everything I would think to say would not be good enough. Instead, it would be met by judgment from the other person or the other person thinking I was weird, so I didn’t say much. I was so concerned with what other people thought about me, and as these fears don’t go away easily, even when we know they make no logical sense.
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Giving readings has helped me break through my fear of judgment, but doing readings was not my idea – I would not have done them on my own – it was Ken Lewicki’s. In Ken’s channeling workshops my main intention was to connect with my spirit guides for my own benefit. However, after one of his weekend workshops he gave us some homework – do twenty practice readings. This. Scared. Me. One, I didn’t feel like I was good enough to give readings. Two, it sounded like a lot of work. Most importantly, I was scared of being judged by other people. Judged for giving them a poor reading or judged because I said something they didn’t like. I probably would not have done the twenty readings, but I had a lot of respect for Ken, so I wanted to do them.
My readings followed a similar formula. Before most, I would sit at my computer, often a few minutes past our scheduled time, and look at the icon that said ___ has entered the Zoom waiting room. I’d then sit there for a few minutes as I worked up the courage to admit them into the room and do a reading with them. During my readings I’d simply try my best to connect with their guides and give the person some helpful insight. I noticed that once I was in the session with people, I’d feel ok, and as the session went on, I would actually enjoy giving them a reading. I also found that people are much more kind and compassionate than my fears would have me believe. Nobody yelled at me if I gave them information that was inaccurate, nobody judged me for being nervous, nobody called me names or got angry with me. Rather, these people were happy to let me practice with them and help me stumble through my first readings. Knowing this didn’t make my fear disappear all at once, but bit by bit, it was fading, and in its place, came confidence and peace. With each reading I started to feel a little freer and a little more comfortable being me. Not only was I helping other people during readings, but I was liberating myself.
Over time, those first twenty readings have turned into a few hundred. I now find it easier to be myself and talk around other people. I’m by no means free of all social anxiety but it has improved significantly. Where I used to seldom participate in class, now I’m raising my hand regularly. Talking to strangers used to feel daunting but now I find myself chatting with them when the occasion arises. By doing readings I’ve spent more time talking to people and now it feels easier to speak with others. It’s like my mentor Ken told me, you don’t get the confidence, then take the action, you take the action, and then get the confidence. Whether you are afraid of swimming, or heights, or speaking to others. I hope my story inspires you to do those things that you are afraid of doing and find those little bits of freedom as you walk through fear.
Grahm specializes in connecting with spirit guides. He offers their loving support and wisdom in 1-on-1 sessions over Zoom. Connect at [email protected]
