Love’s Higher View that Ends Useless Conflicts


We can’t really know love’s power to free us, to fulfill us through our relationships, until we gain some totally new ideas about how to see, and then interact with others. Not just a rehash of our past failed viewpoint; we know that path is powerless to heal the aching heart. An altogether higher view is called for. We need to be able to see others through the “eyes” of a completely fresh understanding – one that only unconditional love can provide an unencumbered heart in the pure and present moment.

As an illustration, let’s say we’re out somewhere together with someone for a light evening meal, or maybe just taking an early morning walk. From out of the blue, he or she makes a dark remark of some kind. A part of us reacts; it instantly opposes their negative state. A moment later, without any further thought on our part, we reach the mistaken conclusion that their off-handed comment means they’d rather be anywhere else in the world but with us.

Now, as a result of our mistaken perception, a pained reaction rifles through us that we fire off at them in the form of a dark glance. They see the way we look at them, and the force of our unmasked negativity hits its mark. Instantly, they resist this feeling, and react by trying to escape its distress. But the only way they know to get rid of it is to blame us for it. The greater grows the pitch of this pain and blame, the less chance there is of understanding – and resolving – our differences because this kind of pain is unaware of – unable to see – anything other than what it wants.

With the above in mind, the following insight should be clear: to have any hope of reconciling, harmonizing this situation – where the pain born of it not only blinds us, but also binds us to the unconscious forces responsible for every such useless fight – we’re going to need a new set of “eyes” through which to look at it!

love ends useless conflicts

Don’t let this unusual idea of a “new set of eyes” throw you. It’s a beautiful, timeless notion that runs, like a golden thread, through all true religious and spiritual teachings, East and West. But, for now, let’s just take these words “new eyes” to mean the same as being able to look at our relationship through a set of new ideas, unlike any we may have come across before.

These new ideas belong to a higher part of our own heart and mind that isn’t limited in the same way as is our lower nature that can only see one side – its side – of any unwanted moment with another person. Rather, this higher level of self is able to look at both sides of any situation at the same time.

For example, we all know what happens when we realize that we’ve completely misjudged a friend, family member, or our partner. In that same moment of seeing our mistake, not only are we released from a false and painful sense of self – born of our “one-sided” view of the situation – but so also is everyone else who had been caught up in our misunderstanding.

Perhaps one of the most surprising things about revelations like these – as we stand in the light of our new understanding that “sets us free” – is how long it took for us to realize what was right before our eyes all along!

We must learn to see – with our “new eyes” – that love is within and around us at all times… in the breathtaking light at sunset, that strain of delicate music, or watching a mother tenderly embrace her child… these moments don’t create the love we feel for what we see before us; they reveal the presence, and the power of a love that already lives in us! And it isn’t we who find things to love, but rather that Love finds – through us – a way to reach us, and to teach us that She lives in and through all things… including us.


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Guy Finley
Guy Finley is an internationally renowned spiritual teacher and bestselling self-help author. He is the Founder and Director of Life of Learning Foundation, a nonprofit center for transcendent self-study located in Merlin, Oregon. He also hosts the Foundation’s Wisdom School – an on-line self-discovery program for seekers of higher self-knowledge. Guy offers two talks on GoToWebinar every week, which are open to the public. Each talk is followed by a Question-and-Answer session with the audience. These talks are free to anyone who wants to join in. To register visit


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