For centuries, the saying “blood is thicker than water” has led many to believe loyalty within the bloodline should take priority over relationships outside of blood lineage. However, the original phrase, “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,” showcases a different reality: the relationships we choose are more sacred than those we were born into.
This realization was both painful and liberating. It led me to explore broader concepts of kinship and belonging, mainly through studying various religious scriptures. These texts often depicted a similar pattern: individuals leaving their homes to find or create new communities where they felt more valued, supported, and spiritually connected. This is not limited to religious texts; it is a recurring theme in many cultures and it reflects a profound truth about human nature and social belonging. Discovering this was vital to my spiritual growth.
Image by ArtSpark from Pixabay
Growing up in a dysfunctional family, I longed for healthy, meaningful relationships. Instead, I learned the harsh lesson that kindness, respect, and support of any kind were not guaranteed. Love at home seemed conditional and was often overshadowed by ego, trauma, abuse, and greed. My earnest efforts to forge meaningful connections were often met with indifference or exploitation. It was clear that my family’s interests were primarily self-serving; loyalty and love were secondary to their personal gains. My family didn’t want me around because they loved me, no, they wanted me there to help them get through their bad decisions and poor actions. They wanted me around so they had something to talk to each other about. The agony I put myself through trying to be the good one in the family was exhausting, to say the least. Yet, the thought of leaving my blood family terrified me. They were the only ‘tribe’ I knew of.
Interestingly, the concept of ‘tribe’ or community, plays a crucial role in many societies. In tribal communities, the responsibilities and joys of supporting each other, go far beyond just surviving or living together. When you find a true soul tribe, you are granted the ability to find yourself, to explore who you are and how you fit into the lives of people just like you, you are bonded by the beauty you bring to one another’s life. The pain and the successes are shared among all tribal members. This communal approach fosters a sense of belonging and security that often transcends biological connections. It underscores the idea that it is not blood alone that binds us, but the commitments we make to each other that forge deeper connections.
The realization that one can find or create a new ‘tribe’ is empowering. It encourages us to seek out and nurture relationships with individuals who share our values and aspirations. These chosen families can provide the acceptance and support that biological families sometimes fail to offer. They remind us that kinship is not just a matter of genetics but of shared experiences, mutual respect, love, and appreciation for who you are and what you have been through.
Furthermore, the freedom to leave, explore, and form new alliances is crucial for personal growth. It allows individuals to escape toxic environments and seek better opportunities for love and fulfillment. This mobility is not just a physical journey but a psychological one that enables people to heal from past traumas and build new, healthier relationships.
Society often idealizes the biological family as the cornerstone of social and emotional support. While family can indeed be a source of great comfort and joy, it is not the only form of meaningful community. The emphasis on familial bonds can sometimes overshadow the importance of seeking out other forms of support when family falls short.
In conclusion, the phrase “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” captures a vital truth about human relationships. It emphasizes that the bonds we choose to create and maintain can be stronger and more fulfilling than those we inherit. As someone who has navigated the challenges of a dysfunctional family, I have found profound strength and solace in my chosen family. These relationships, forged by shared values, different perspectives, kindness, patience, and unconditional support, have been my tribe, my community, and my sanctuary.
Walking away from the idea that my family deserves my alliance because “blood is thicker than water” was one of the best decisions I made. I no longer feel the need to be responsible or held accountable for my blood family’s actions. I am now responsible for a new kind of family, the chosen kind, and let me tell you, I now have the love and acceptance I have sought out for what seemed a lifetime. I have people like you now to call my family, and I love the heck out of all of you. Thank you for loving me too.
Enjoy reading this article? Read more from Melissa Jolly Graves