Left to Crumble but not without Purpose


it’s the stories
we tell ourselves
that matter the most
each day
a rambling dialogue
with ourselves
with our souls
cataloging our symptoms
our moments
of feelings
that become so much more
when we give them a label
when we ponder
and fester
and focus
on all that we
never wanted in the first place
chains us to our stories
makes solid in our perception
what was only lucid
until we decided


After having decided to change the manuscript of my mind from victim to empowered, I went from empowered to knowing that I create my own reality. Then from knowing to owning my creation.

left to crumble but not without purposeImage by ractapopulous from Pixabay

Don’t get me wrong, I was a victim for a very long time, until I spent time with the wounds. Until I really found out where they came from. They were deep-rooted and needed to be traced back far into the past, into karmic relationships. The deeper I dug the more I got curious about the triggers popping up, the emotions showing up around me from situations, from people, from old patterns. The emotions created within relationships were indicators of healing needed. The more I traced these feelings back the deeper it went, often tied to multiple lifetimes, tied to many lessons that were repeated for me to finally integrate until I could see what I needed to learn.

The more I trace the roots the more I found understanding. The more I found compassion, because hurt people hurt people, and no one is above mistakes and karma is real. Dolores Cannon says… We all get a chance to be in everyone’s shoes whether it be a criminal or a betrayer. We all get to try out every aspect of being, so-called “good” or so-called “bad”. We All are Source experiencing itself. Learning lessons for our Soul’s growth, not necessarily for our human growth, although adversity does stretch us. Allows us to determine what our good feels like by experiencing what our bad is. What is good? What is your interpretation of good? It is always just a perception.

Everyone’s truth is true for them at that moment in that lifetime. And since every truth is true and since everyone is learning, can we just get curious about people’s behavior? I truly believe in the innate goodness of each of us. When we were babies did we come out wanting to hate or just needing love? Have you ever seen a baby hate? It is the environment that people reflect. The so-called source of evil is truthfully the absence of love and light. The imbalance of light and dark, when too much trauma has squelched the light.



to my disappointment
that it doesn’t exist
no outcomes
are worth
being attached to
these flickering particles
are flaky and aloof
they shift and slide
and trick my mind
the squiggles
teaching how
to not hold on
to any of it
the way water is
unless you become soft
and slow
cupping it
to stay
for a brief moment
as it still moves to drain
to change
its movement never ceases
so I search
for the stillness
between the movement
the stability
of constant change
the accountability
of the infinite vibration


When my life crumbled…
Sometimes life events bring you to your lowest moments and you wonder what you did wrong? Why is this suffering allowed? Why couldn’t I trust my intuition ? Why I couldn’t see the signs that were slapping my face over and over. Sometimes our own past traumas block our ability to see danger. Humans are only ever seeking acceptance, love and care.


capable of surrender

running out again
to the store
found another thing
we are out of
hand soap takes precedence
over my feelings tonight
another excuse to not unpack
the feelings that aren’t
capable of surrendering yet
the feelings that are sticky
and pasted on the walls of my brain
what happens when we are all stocked up?
when I am all caught up?
when all the jobs are done?
when it’s time to sleep?
are you really wanting to deal with them then?
no more avoiding
all they want is your attention
they want
your thoughtful recognition
they want validation
they want to be
and felt
and heard
that’s all
ever wants


Humans are really good at seeing what they want to see, overriding their intuition in order to be loved or to be possibly accepted.

For me, I never felt like I fit in anywhere. Programmed to seek this false fairytale. Always wanting to have children and be in love. Wanted most just to feel the love I always craved, the attention, the ability to know I was good. Trained to search for help outside myself and in codependent relationships. Told looking inside was selfish. Never loving myself enough to heal me, to take good care of my needs. Wastaught separation was truth, a lie to keep us from discovering our power.



It’s like
can’t you
do it for
yourself ?
for you?
for you?
not for your kids
not for your world
for the
deep golden shimmer
the starburst burn
the thick craving
of your soul
what play
you are in
what character
you play
just notice
who is here
a different character
a different role
nothing personal
just helping
each other
grow as souls
not as people
merely utilizing
the contrast
to expand
and if it is
that way
it takes out
the charge
makes it a given
are tied in the ethers
unless we choose
to loosen threads
to chop cords
will it start a run?
create a hole?
in our oneness
create a flapping tear
in our grid?
would never
want to cause a hole
In the whole
why so serious?
hearts only open
their front doors
the past is not a paste
it only remains
if we ask it to
wipe it off
think new things
no more
digging holes
from where you are
the need
to nourish
yourself first


poem for the fearful

when we all learn
when we all know
there is
no separation
no death
we are always connected
always available
the energy
of every being
the essence
remains of each
eternally etched
In the ethereal realms
floating on the dimensions
we once were
never having left
our mist
unable to leave
we are crocheted
into the weave
of all others


animal medicine

i am busy transforming
my anger into wisdom
said the tiger
i am using my strength
to gain clarity
said the gorilla
i am using my patience
to form unity
said the elephant


As I sit once again to do healing clearing work on my children, I have an epiphany about the direction of Ethereal Reunions! I finally hear the message loud and clear! My guides are ecstatic because I have cleared enough of my own trauma to now hear their guidance fully! I’m better able to listen for clues and trust. Was searching continually for the purpose of our trauma. Continually asking how this world could be so cruel? How my 10-year marriage could have been nothing but betrayal and manipulation. And there I was… left to crumble and start over. Not knowing how spot on my hunches were until years later. Never trusting what I innately knew.


releasing hate

i can’t see with my glasses off
cutting boca chicken crying
i accidentally stab you
in the heart of my minds eye
disowning the hatred for you
sauteing the potency
of the memories
burning It off
the way you peeled
the skin of
our family off
all with us still alive
but too bad cuz
we put it back on
and we grew new hearts
and we decided
to live again
and that is something
you can’t touch
we are stronger
than any memory
you gave us
we are forming
our pleasure our joy
we choose we choose we choose


My children and I are choosing to be survivors instead of victims. Choosing not to destroy our hearts with hatred.

As Nahko (Medicine for the People) says… “We do forgive but don’t forget these days”

We have been utilizing multiple spiritual tools and modalities in order to file our trauma properly so that it doesn’t affect our day to day as much. Setting out to grow our hearts back, I have the realization that I was left to crumble but not without purpose. That this unfortunate circumstance is what was needed to drive me to my purpose. The impetus to heal myself and my family and discover my gifts. That we all are here on Earth school learning and following our own bread crumb trails. I have been diligently munching my bread crumb trail and it has led me to finally know my work. My work of learning how to heal my family using spiritual practices and in turn assist other families with the same. Years of seeking out help for my children’s traumas from available resources in my town led me to a very frustrated and bleak path, only finding multiple year waitlists, not enough beds, poorly trained practitioners, and an overall consensus to medicate. The realization of this great need for more healing services spurred me to begin Ethereal Reunions Healing. To practice and share heart centered techniques and self-love driven teachings.

Image by ractapopulous from Pixabay

We are all in the process of becoming and releasing. The need to replace old programs, patterns and past life debris has quickly become a necessity in order to move ourselves forward. Our bodies do know how to heal themselves if given the chance. If we believe we can heal. If we intend to heal and most importantly follow the guidance that is always with us desperately trying to guide our lives to our highest and greatest good and for the good of all. Because we are all connected whether we realize it or not. If we can start seeing the good we want to see in others and believe in each other’s innate goodness. Drop the blame, drop the shame and take responsibility for our own actions. Begin to hear ourselves, settle on self-love first, if we are to assist another. We can’t get sick enough to help the sick, we can’t get poor enough to help the poor, and because words don’t teach, we can only lead by example.



let down
your jaw tension
just look for
what you
came here to find
step out
of your
duality suit
truth is up to you
chip away
at magnificence
have the ability to
get out of the crack
the goo the inky mist
covering you
pivot away
step out of it like a suit
free and easy
focus on love
doesn’t take much
light to quench
the darkness


poem for intentions

i intend to be a
treasure house of
beaming light
a treasure house
that provides nourishment
of light to all who i come
into contact with
i intend to clear my throat
of unwanted words
that keep crossing my lips
clean my attic
of unwanted thoughts
that cobweb my vision
polish my treasure
hunt until i know the way
that is full of love
and opens me to more greatness
more words that integrate
my willingness
my abilities to be
that treasure house
of beaming light


free to choose

you are here to teach
how the The flight
of the eagles sounds
how the view makes
more sense from above
you are here to teach
the whereabouts of our inner love
you are here to teach
about the color of honesty
you are here to teach
the subtle nudges of intuition
you are here to be a mountain climber
you are here to sense
the nuances of nature
you are here to be free
and free to choose
the feel of your frequency




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