Spiritual Intimacy: What you really want from a Mate


When two people resonate at the same frequency, it does not matter what they do. It feels good, and it is fun. In this relationship, the couple is more interested in the vibration of God than their problems. Problems become opportunities. They rise above the system of obstacles. There is a feeling of cherishing going on. They are a cheerleader for each other’s evolution.

The frequency of chemistry can truly be felt when one is combining the wonderful energies of sexuality and friendship with the desire to use healing energy toward each other. In this combined frequency, the couple can heal each other; whereas in the old paradigm, couples could destroy each other.

A couple should cultivate their capacity to enjoy. There needs to be the intention of feeling good. Keep asking:

  • Are we ascending the ladder of holiness or are we descending?
  • Is what we are doing life-enhancing or life-depreciating?

If what you are doing is descending the ladder of holiness or is life depreciating, you are going to be feeling bad. If what you are doing is ascending the ladder of holiness and is life-enhancing, you are going to be feeling good.

Relationships viewed from the soul level (holy relationships) are very different from those viewed at the personality level (unholy relationships). A relationship that is soulmated has a lot of passion naturally. One that is not soul mated may be lacking in passion, so that couple might create a lot of drama to get a rush. How will you ever get out of your karma that way? Your karma can bury you.

We must appreciate our intimate relationship because it inspires our heart to open and at the same time brings up our patterns left to be healed. An intimate relationship draws us out of ourselves. It can help us bring forth our finest qualities.

Spiritual intimacy
I see in my work that people really want spiritual intimacy. I see the joy in couples who are sharing that and communicating about that.

Every relationship is a spiritual training course. Ask yourself these questions:

  • Are you both choosing to be in gratitude, praise and generosity?
  • Are you regarding any situation that comes up as your teacher?
  • Are you helping each other wake up and become all that you can be?
  • Are you consecrating your lives to something sacred and holy?
  • Are you creating heaven wherever you are?
  • Are you in tune with the frequency of the most high?
  • Are you constantly putting yourselves in situations that evoke your higher nature rather than lower nature?
  • Is your life together as a couple a shining example of what is possible?
  • Are you here to deliver God’s vibes (vibrations)?
  • Does the Christ presence within you commune with the Christ presence of your mate?
  • Are you practicing unconditional love?

Unconditional love does not mean that you do not have to tolerate everything a partner does, but you don’t stop loving them even if there is something you don’t like. Conditional love is when you love them because they are fitting your personal needs, and if they don’t do that, you stop loving them.

When you experience unconditional love, your DNA actually gets more orderly. There is a powerful intercellular resonance that takes place. There is a magic that can arise when two highly evolved beings begin to work together; there can be a strong electric current that flows between them and from them, especially when they are on the path of ascension.

Ascension means raising your vibration and level of light. It is rising to a higher level or degree. It is a momentum, a gradual shift initiated by you. Ultimately, it is the transcendence of the third dimensional conscious awareness. It is a process completed with the merging of the physical body with the higher dimensional body, i.e., the Christ body — the light body.

The third dimension is about polarity, competition, containment, restriction, territorialism, thinking inside the box (or thinking within what someone else considers safe and established parameters), shunning responsibility.

The fourth dimension is about time, infinity, endless possibility, trying this and that, healing the wounds of the third dimension, new modalities, becoming what you think is needed, and self-love (but still conditional); however, it still lacks integrity and the answers are not there.

The fifth dimension is where you want to go with your relationship and yourself. It is about total integrity, understanding, living true, unity, unconditional love, respect, doing exactly what you say, easy rapport, perfect health, turning up the light, and miracle consciousness!

Ascension to the fifth dimension requires a great deal of prior purification and preparation. Ascending happens through feeling (the feminine approach); it happens by extending love, praise and gratitude to God and all life forms. As cells are filled with light and love, our consciousness rises to a higher degree. One is no longer controlled by the past. Make ascension attitudes a moment-to-moment habit and a way of life. The closer we are to the Source, the more responsive we are.

Path of Ascension
In reality, all of humanity is on the path of ascension as evolution carries us onward and upward, but there is a vast difference between those who are consciously on the path and those who are not. Those who are conscious are functioning at a different and greater frequency. God realization is their reason for being. One becomes permeated with love, devotion, gentleness, compassion and joy! I feel that ascension is the ultimate goal of spiritual growth. Imagine your mate as your ascension buddy!

Most people are holding on to old hurts or the past rather than ascending. But if your mate is your ascension buddy, he or she will help you let go of what is holding you back. I assure you, it is a lot more wonderful to have contact with the ascended masters than it is to block that relationship. You and your mate have to be willing to commit to changing any belief structure or situation that gets in the way of your growth or evolution.

The problem you have to face is that your ego will divert you with all kinds of problems to distract you. At the same time, things you have been attracted to may seem different to you. They may seem a bit heavy and difficult to maintain. Upon ascension, you may even start to change in your physical experience regarding what you eat and drink and so on.

The first priority of ascension is to be of service. You will be able to do more and transmit a lot more love on this path. You will be given more and more opportunities to serve. There is a lot of delight, and you can have a very enjoyable experience. Each will have their own unique experience.

Once your frequency stabilizes at the higher levels, you will have conscious awareness of a new level of understanding. The Bible says that “Ye who are grateful for all things, your body shall be filled with light and ye shall comprehend all things.”

State of Responsibility
You can actually get off the wheel of rebirth and serve the masters at the highest level. Your goal is to become a spiritual master yourself. When you are on that path, you can manifest things more quickly. Ask your guides for help. Start now by living in a state of responsibility.

Say, “This has happened in my life. How have I allowed it into my life? What is the lesson for me? Then do something about it. Whatever happens, you start playing with it and see how you can use what you learn from it to serve others. The response to everything is acceptance, compassion, and unconditional love.”

With spiritual intimacy, personal growth takes precedence, and the couples tend to live in solution consciousness. Solutions restore peace, and that is always a sign of spiritual intimacy, to be solving issues without conflict and to be ascending the ladder of holiness.

A Course of Miracles is constantly leading us to what Jesus calls the holy relationship. This is where both of you have consciously chosen the goal of peace. This gives you meaning and determines your experience. This gives two the experience of being one. The moment of sharing is called the holy instant. You have to disconnect from the past and be open to a new way of experiencing things. Joining must come sincerely from the heart.

The meaning of this holy relationship is to transcend the separation. You are each other’s savior. When you are truly ready to join in a relationship, you will find others to join with you. When you really want peace, you will find other minds to join with who want peace. When you are ready for this holy relationship, you will definitely meet others who are ready for it. You don’t ever have to be alone.

The Holy Spirit
If you have a relationship, place the relationship immediately under the care of the Holy Spirit. Invite in the Holy Spirit and his goal, then you will feel the spiritual presence guiding you in your relationship.

If you are trying to turn an old, unholy relationship into a holy relationship, however, there may be a period of discomfort when the old structure and the new goal are at odds with each other. Do not lose faith. God has his foot in the door.

In the holy relationship, you see your partner as sinless. You see his incredible value. Faith will solve every problem. If a problem comes up between you, you must immediately disconnect from the battlefield, rise above it, stop talking, and invite the Holy Spirit in. Realize that the conflict is not about you and your mate. You are never upset for the reason you think. The problem is always your own mind.

All it takes is one of you to accept the holy instant. The holy instant is when you shift from seeing someone as your enemy to that person being your savior. It is choosing to see them as innocent. You enter fully into the present with no reference to the past. You set the goal of the Holy Spirit: truth, joining, forgiveness. You see that the whole journey is about forgiving one another.

Sondra Ray and Markus Ray will be presenting Sondra’s Loving Relationships Training at the Carondelet Center in St. Paul on September 21-24. Contact [email protected] or call 651.238.7248 for more information.

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Sondra Ray
Sondra Ray is known the world over as one of the most dynamic spiritual leaders of our day. She is recognized by many as a spiritual teacher, author, rebirther, lecturer and healer, with a renowned expertise in the area of relationships. Visit Sondraray.com.


  1. Lovely. Relationships based on God and the Holy Spirit is the best way to go. I can’t imagine a relationship where we let problems bug us down. Once, I had a lady who was a christian, and attended church regularly, but always felt down at any obstacle that comes her way. As her partner, this put me down on many times until I could rise above this, and never wanna be down for nothing


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